We are midway through our 24 days and I find that the more I let go of, the more I discover I have to let go of. The word wasteful comes to mind often as I sort and stack and let go.
I have six boxes quietly waiting for the donation drop and I am shocked at how much is still left.
When I started this, I planned to clean out my closets and office and let go of a jacket, some yoga clothing, or a pair of shoes. But this journey has led me into my past; digging through memories in darkened corners.
I turn 45 in a few weeks. We have a lot of longevity in my family (my Grandpa turns 103 this summer) so perhaps I am urged by the thought of a mid-way point in my life.
I have a friend who broke her hip, on a ski slope, last winter. She told me “I lay in that hospital bed waiting for surgery and I realized that half my life was spent. I intend to live the second half with so much intention, it will blow your mind.”
This conversation has come to mind many times during this clearing out process. I spent the first half of my life collecting memories and squirreling away experiences. I will spend the second half with intention and a deeper understanding of how precious moments are.
Instead of watching my son’s performance at school through the lens of a video camera, I will watch with my eyes and heart wide open.
Perhaps, when we infuse moments with awareness, there is less need to hold onto the proof that they happened.
So on Day 12, I am simply letting go of self-judgment. I will not evaluate my asana in class. I will not beat myself up for the way I look in my jeans, or not getting to the dishes and laundry.
I will focus on the good some of my actions have brought to my self and others. I will practice Ahimsa, for myself, just for today, and see how that feels.
Ahimsa or non-injury: Do no harm, in word, thought or deed to any living creature.